Spankos and People Who Enjoy Spanking with Sex

Before I was with my first real girlfriend, I was feeling extremely risk-happy one night and I asked her in a text if she liked being spanked. This was before we had so much as kissed. To my surprise and glee, she said she loved being spanked. At first, I thought this meant she must be a spanko like me. As I got to know her better, though, I discovered that she really didn’t like spanking the way I did.

First, I quickly found that she didn’t like to talk about it much, but that certainly could have been the case with a serious spanko if they were just shy. But digging deeper it seemed she just didn’t have much to say on the subject. Once we were together, I discovered what she really meant was she liked to have her ass slapped occasionally, especially before or during sex.

While I had heard of spanking during sex before, I had never really appreciated how many people were into it but not especially interested in spanking as a pure concept or in other contexts. In learning of this phenomenon, I also think I learned a lot about myself by contrast. This solidified my understanding of the degree to which my interest in spanking was more than a purely sexual thing, and how important this was to the way I defined myself as a spanko. Of course, I was happy to spank my girlfriend during sex, but I did not view her as a spanko in the sense I apply the word to myself.

I wish I knew how many people who say they like spanking are into it in the way that I am. I suspect my group is smaller within the general population, but is much larger among readers of spanking blogs. This distinction is crucial to getting a true picture of the prevalence of spankos, and I am unaware of any scientific polling or other research that addresses it, though I’d be happy if I were wrong about this.

I’d be especially interested in reader comments on this subject.

Post Author

This post was written by SpankoAbInitio who has written 18 posts on Spanko Ab Initio: A Personal History.

I am a man in my twenties from the Midwestern United States, and a lifelong spanko. I was never spanked growing up, no matter how much I wanted to be.

4 Responses “Spankos and People Who Enjoy Spanking with Sex”

  1. Hermione December 22, 2011 5:53 am #

    Hi Spankoab,

    I think a lot of people enjoy a few swats on the bum during intimacy. As you can see from the blogosphere and Bonnie’s massive blogroll, there are many others – myself included – who enjoy more variety in their spanking, and have made it a large part of their lives. Spanking and sex do seem to go hand in hand (no pun intended) and one usually leads to the other.

    As far as talking about it goes, it isn’t easy to discuss the subject. It takes practice, and confidence and trust in the person you are speaking to.


    • SpankoAbInitio December 22, 2011 6:32 pm #

      They do go hand and hand for me too to some degree. I guess a better way of stating it would be it is sexually pleasing for its own sake, rather than only in the context of what is otherwise sexual.

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  3. John January 6, 2012 2:25 pm #

    I agree. I think that a lot of people agree to liking spanking and other light S&M play because it seems “kinky” and “cool” to them, but if were not something that was considered kinky, they would basically have no interest. In fact, people who said they “liked spanking” seemed to think it was really odd and aberrant that the only kind of porn I ever really masturbate to is F/M or M/M spanking porn.